Foxy at some point in the past
Anyone that has heard noises like a pig squealing until late in the night anywhere on Kingsmead should contact us and we will kick some serious mock tudor/UPV door in.
Foxy at some point in the past
Anyone that has heard noises like a pig squealing until late in the night anywhere on Kingsmead should contact us and we will kick some serious mock tudor/UPV door in.
Posted by Foxy's Mate at 15:14
The Official Nipper wants a cat. We reckon we could find room for one now that Prescott has been 'exported'. Ever mindful that we need to consider options to expand our offensive capability for the forthcoming spring offensive, we have been looking at pet/weapon combinations. Kitty Cornershot would appear to have all the attributes that we are looking for.
We need now to establish the following facts before we consider a purchase.
Subject to satisfactory answers to the above, we will be talking to the Yanks in the morning. With any luck we should be able to take delivery in time for the Spring/Summer* Offensive.
* The actual timing of the offensive is unsure at the moment due to a requirement to cut the grass and paint the Official Shed.
Edit - Looks like we have an answer to the cat flap conundrum.
Posted by Foxy at 03:00
Posted by Foxy at 13:21
We reckon that a Turkey traveling somewhere between the speed of sound and warp factor 1 would make a formidable secret weapon. Using our trusted 'line of chavs' weapons testing theory, we have managed to calculate that for the given velocities an 8 pound balistic butterball should take out between 72 and 26,141 sequential chavs and possibly penetrate the most heavily modified Saxo. Indeed, it could be argued that, by developing an advanced range of stuffings, the humble fowl could be used to deliver anything from sage and onion to a full nuclear payload.
Hands up to those pesky yanks for developing the Turkey Cannon.
A Turkey Cannon yesterday
The ruse is that the tube is filled with booze and inserted up the birds Gary Glitter. When cooked in the oven, or on the BBQ, the liquid serves to keep the birds inner sanctum moist.
We reckon that if the tube is filled with 2:1 stoichiometric mixture of hydrogen and oxygen and then heated, the resulting explosion should propell the poultry at a respectable velocity.
We may even invite the UN weapons inspectors round in the summer and they can watch while we stuff our booze filled probe into our bird and give it a good roasting in the garden.
We shall be trying to work out what $18.99c is in real money in the morning. Oh, and where we can get some hydrogen from.
Posted by Foxy at 17:34
As ABBA once said -
Now we're old and grey fernando
And since many years I havent seen a rifle in your hand
Can you hear the drums fernando?
Do you still recall the frightful night we crossed the rio grande?
I can see it in your eyes
How proud you were to fight for freedom in this land.
Brought a tear to our eye when we heard that on Wogan this morning. And it got us thinking about the war to free Davenham. Cash reserves are at an all time low and the troops are demoralised. We have had a chat with the Official Mrs and looked down the back of all the seats. We found 62p, two hair clips, 4 toe nails, a biro, and a crisp. The Official Mrs didn't talk back and is holding on to her purse tighter than a tramp clinging to the last can of Special Brew in the world.
The whole situation is seriously jeopardising the planned spring offensive to free Davenham once and for all and rid ourselves of the evil scurge that is Kingsmead and the DPC.
We may need to resort to desparate means to secure the funding we need. For now we are going to concentrate on peaceful methods and intend to start with an appeal to a very kind offer in the Northwich Guardian. They are offering cash to worthy causes such as ours and have gone to great lengths to describe us in the criteria they set down. If anyone out there cares, please add your weight to our appeal. They cannot ignore us forever!!
FREEDOM FOR DAVENHAM - CLICKERTY CLICK FOR CASH
United we stand.
Posted by Foxy at 15:31
Whilst out on manouvers over the weekend, we were accidentally kidnapped by aliens and forced to take part in cruel experiments that lasted into the small hours of Sunday morning. We are convinced that we were given a 'mind wipe' resulting in total memory loss, a lack of co-ordination and a really bad head ache. The theiving alien scum also nicked the official mobile phone and all our cash. We were deposited outside the front door of DPPF HQ in a state of severe dehydation, malnurishment and FDKD (front door key deficiency).
It's probably the last time we will be enjoying these for a considerable length of time -
Posted by Foxy at 16:19
The DPPF Middle Eastern correspondent Odear Bin Lardarse has been in touch to warn us that we may have to ready our defences in preparation for an invasion by the Americans. Apparently, friendly granny Jane Felix-Spamcatfood from Moulton has decided to move her new husband into her pad in the village. Where others have objected, we say 'fair play' to her. The fuss is to do with the lads old fella and his involvement in some bad stuff that been happening outside of Davenham. The yanks reckon he might know where his dad is and therefore will be keeping an eye on him. This is him, we reckon he's mad knocking about with that Morticia from the Adams family.
We are planning to cash in on the influx of CIA into Moulton by opening a shop selling chewing gum, black suits, sunglasses, pop corn, burgers, guns and watery beer.
Omar (that's his name) also reckons that he would hide his old man from Bush - sound advice looking at Morticia!
We will be writing to Wal-Mart in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 16:31
One of our observers has noted an increase in germ warfare activities by the KRA. Apparently, they have been using cattle trucks to ship their pet pooches over the A556 to Davenham to deposit digested Christmas left overs. The scale of the problem is such that the residents of Hartford Road and Church Street are unable to open their doors due to huge mounds of dog excrement.
A recent estimate has quantified the scale of the problem at around 14.26 metric tons of poop being deposited on a daily basis. Of the 14.26 tons, 5 tons (or nearly half) is believed to be infested with Anthrax and the remainder contains Phosgene (a type of worm). It is believed that the problem stems from an inherent design fault found in the modern canine. A graph has shown that the modern canine's storage capacity has been reduced by 50% over the last 5 years, a direct result of a FIFTEEN fold increase in the amount of Bifidus Digestivum in modern yoghurt.
We have decided that enough is enough. We have contacted the DPC and sent samples that we have collected in the official DPPF pooper scooper (a converted coal scuttle). We have demanded an immediate cessation of this action as it clearly contravenes the Genoa Convention.
In measures to counter the problem, we will be introducing the latest member of the DPPF to the conflict. We have a new dog of our own, we were only going to keep it for Christmas, but we may now keep it until Easter, his name is Pescott.
Posted by Foxy at 17:38
Despite leaving handy hints all over the flaming internets, we didn't get a leaf blower or any of our wish list for Christmas. Even though we spared no expense on lavish gifts for the Official Mrs. Including support tights, a back up air freshner for the Official Monkey Bus (pine) and a stitch counter that fits onto the end of a knitting needle. All we got was a coal scuttle, embossed with a horses head and nose hair strimmer. Oh, and a massive Toblerone.
Posted by Foxy at 16:00
We have been very good this year. Our booze intake is back in line with the national average and we have finished decorating the hall, stairs and landing. We have also been nice to the Official Nippers and their spotty mates. We have stopped breaking wind at the table during meals and asking people to pull our finger. Showers are currently running at an average of two per week and we have been using our mouth wash. Toe nail clippings are a thing of the past as is the fungal infection. We would be delighted if you could see your way to delivering the following to DPPF headquarters this Christmas.
Also, if you could deliver a case of 12 mixed white and red this week, before the Official Mrs does a stock take. We would be very happy to leave the usual large sherry and a copy of Razzle for your trouble.
Commander In Chief DPPF
Posted by Foxy at 14:37
This little beauty is the Shindaiwa EB8510. It has an 80cc engine producing a nozzle velocity of 224 mph. This is more powerful than a huricane. We reckon that it can be adapted to deliver a range of projectiles. We have calculated that an object with a mass of 1kg traveling at 224mph would knock down 4 chavs standing in a line. Big, Bad, and Blue. The Shindaiwa EB8510 is one of the most powerful 4-stroke backpack blowers on the market today. Features include -
The Shindaiwa EB8510RT features a pistol-grip throttle control handle with cruise control, adjustable angle, and a special “Hush Mode” feature that allows quiet operation in noise sensitive areas.
Sounds ideal and a snip at £368. That's 216 pairs of socks from Next, or 368 initialed snot rags from Matalan. We will be having a word with the Official Mrs in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 13:52
We have been receiving threats from a faction claiming to be affiliated to the DPC. Things have become so scary that Foxy is having to taste all the food and drink in the house before it can be considered safe for the Official Nippers and Mrs. This is particularly bad as we enter the festive season and the place is swollen with contraband.
In these threats, the perpetrator claims that he has been paid to 'take us out', we have suggested that a trip to a local panto would be most welcome. We have also received a video detailing our crimes. On closer inspection, we reckon that this person lives on Kingsmead and is actually a member of the KRA. We have taken the liberty of producing a still from the video.
Anyone seeing this man in Davenham should not approach him, he is armed and clearly dangerous. We just hope that he washed his mums tights before filming.
We will be sending our evidence to the internet ombudsman in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 16:52
We have been listening to The Smiths and have to take exception with Morrissey over the lyrics to his song 'Ask'. The Americans ran some experiments with bombs recently, and instead of bringing people together, they were actually blown apart - FACT!
Those pesky Russians are also messing about with bombs and some old planes. They are apparently flexing their military muscles and regularly probing Britain's air defences. This almost certainly means that they are going to blow us all up. As Morrissey also once said about his comatose Mrs - 'it's serious'.
In order to counter this growing threat we will be declaring the village a Nuclear Free Zone. Manchester City Council declared the city such in 1980 and our research has shown that no atom bombs have gone off there since. Ipso Facto.
Mr T is backing the campaign.
Posted by Foxy at 16:05
In our quest for knowledge, we have been researching war and collecting memorabilia. We recently acquired this little gem from a German on e-bay. Its a bona fide certified genuine copy of Anne Frank's diary. We only paid £40 for it, we are going to put it in a glass case and give it to the official Mrs for Christmas, she'll be that chuffed we will probably get a 'result'. (click pic for embiggerment)
Posted by Foxy at 15:36
While their is a lull in cross border infiltrations, we have decided to entertain ourselves by making a set of Top Trump cards of local civic dignitaries. First in the series is that artful dodger Ronald McDonald of the VRBC.
Posted by Foxy at 15:21
Being as those ungrateful wretches on the Kingsmill estate didn't take us up on the offer of a new sign for the spine road, we have decided to offer our services to those lovable geriatric rogues at the DPC. Though quite why we should after they sprayed a knob on our wall is beyond us. We have consulted with Itchy and Satchi and we have managed to come up with a design. The brief that we gave them was to imagineer a new logo for the DPC that captured their essence, penetrated through to their core values and made a bold statement about the service that they provide.
This is their initial stab - we like it.
We reckon this should get us say £20 knocked of our poll tax. We will be writing to them in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 15:21
Foxy, The Official Nipper, The Official DPPF Mrs, some interfering woman from down the road.
The Official DPPF Teenager (out with spotty mate teenager), The Official DPPF Middle Nipper (finals of the world Top Trump championship).
Item 1 - Refreshments
Due to a severe balance of payments deficit, resulting from a misinterpretation of the words 'Oh do what the hell you like', rations for the meeting are restricted to 'something from the cupboard', and any wines or spirits that may or may not be hidden in the wardrobe are for Christmas and not general consumption.
It was noted that being a friend of the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to comment on the size of anyone else's beer belly. Nor does it entitle anyone to help themselves to the Official Remote Control.
Item 2 - Defence Budget
It was agreed that the new Tom Tom Sat Nav procured for the Official Motor, was acquired under false pretences, following a misinterpretation of a mandate from the Official Mrs. Whilst being a useful aid when calling in an air strike, it was noted that it was of limited use on the school run, or when nipping to Tesco Express. The item will be placed on Ebay in the morning, the proceeds from the sale will be used to buy essential rations and a new AA road atlas.
It was agreed that if it sounded more Barry White and less like an all American cheer leader, we may have been allowed to keep it.
ACTION - Foxy
Item 3 - War Progress
A review of recent military activity was undertaken. It was noted that cross border infiltration by the KRA, DPC and the 1st Battalion The Moulton and Kingsmead Pikeys were being managed and disruption to village life was being effectively minimised.
Whilst there appears to be a lull in activity, it was noted that we need to remain vigilant and will be regularly checking for intelligence at the secret pub location.
The TITS, MUFF and CRAP will continue to train at the TWAT centre and maintain a high state of readiness.
It was again noted that being a mate of the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to comment on the frequency of intelligence gathering exercises.
It was also noted that being married to the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to be rude to anyone else that may be a guest of the Official Mrs.
ACTION - Foxy
Item 4 - Training
We are considering asking if the British Army officer training establishment at Sandhurst can provide a distance learning course for the Official Nipper. We would like to balance ballet classes with weapon appreciation, camouflage techniques and advanced field craft. We are also considering writing to the Early Learning Centre to voice our disgust at the lack of defence related learning aids.
The DPPF leadership have also sanctioned £40 (subject to recouping misappropriated funds), for a trip with the Official Middle nipper to 'Lazer Quest' for some urban combat training.
It was noted that any recurrence of the incident in 2005 where 14 children were mysteriously found bound and gagged at end of the training would not be tolerated, even if it was nothing to do with Foxy and the Official Middle Nipper.
ACTION - Foxy
We have received a letter from our bank regarding a loan application for a Challenger tank. The bank manager has suggested that it would not be a sound business proposition to lend us the £4 million we requested. However, they suggested that if we were to raise say £3,999,600 they would be happy to help with the £400 shortfall.
We shall be checking our credit rating in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 15:39
We were woken from official slumber in the early hours of this morning by the sound of a high speed zimmer frame clunking its way down our garden path. Initial investigations revealed nothing except for an empty bag of Murray Mints, a bus pass, some Trill (Budgie food) and a full colostomy bag. Having returned to our pit and the comfort of our freshly laundered full combat PJ's, we were able to get a good nights kip. Imagine our surprise when we were woken at 05:30hrs by a scream from the Official Teenager, who instead of being in a trance holding her straighteners (as is the norm for 2 hours every morning), was paralysed with fear behind a poster of Kurt Cobain.
It would appear that we have been 'Tagged'.
Posted by Foxy at 17:16
They're at it again!
We have just returned from infiltrating a meeting of the DPC (a full transcript of the meeting will follow once we have consulted the DPPF Official Legal Advisor).
Posted by Foxy at 15:57
Following recent revelations about our neighbours to the south, we have been doing some research and have uncovered some astonishing facts about the bogey eaters. Here is a quick and dirty top ten things that you probably didn't know (or care enough to find out).
Posted by Foxy at 14:38
The DPPF undercover unit have uncovered sinister going's on with one of our neighbours. While we have been conducting operations against our stated enemies, we have neglected the fact the Moulton has become a training ground for paramilitaries. We have always been wary of declaring all out war on the village because -
Posted by Foxy at 15:26
While examining our flanks during an early morning strategic defence review with the Official DPPF Mrs at the weekend, we decided that this years Brucie Bonus from the Official Employer should be spent on the following.
1. A new Epilady for the Official DPPF Mrs's flanks.
2. A massive boat with loads of guns and some depth charges.
We have sanctioned £19.99 to be spent procuring item one from E-Bay. We have also managed to strike a deal with the Royal Navy for a Type 4 Frigate. The Frigate is to patrol our water front on the River Weaver and protect our eastern flank.
We will be buying a bottle of Lambrusco from Bargain Booze this week and will be holding a naming ceremony by the Blue Bridge at the weekend. We are currently debating a name for our new flagship. After a heated debate we have chosen either HMS Carnage or HMS Fairy Princess .
We be contacting the Waterways to see if they can extend Vale Royal Locks and lend us a Dredger.
Posted by Foxy at 16:16
We have insiders that work somewhere really sneaky. They have been earwigging on coded conversations between the KRA and the DPC. Here is a transcript of a recent conversation. Looks like the DPC have fallen out with the KRA.
As we don't want to fall foul of the data protection Nazi's, we will switch real names. Any correspondent of the DPC will be known as 'DPC', and any Correspondent of the KRA will be known as the 'KRA',
KRA - You lot at the DPC are rubbish. Our ponds smell, we have dead trees dropping leaves on our decking and our borders are looking like Anne Widdecombe's chin.
DPC - Sorry, we are having trouble justifying our existence, can we get back to you?
KRA - No, we will bin you and invade Davenham village on our own.
DPC - Don't do that. The DPPF are a bit scary and we are digging bunkers as we speak.
KRA - OK, we agree. What about the precept? It's a lot of money you know?
DPC - We don't know anything about that. Florida is nice though, isn't it?
KRA - Why are you all for Davenham village and not Kingsmead?
DPC - We're not, we are about to shaft them as well. Ask the residents of Laburnum Road.
KRA - Can we have our allotments then?
DPC - No.
KRA - Why not?
DPC - Because we have Alzheimers and can't remember. Give us a minute, we need a pee.
KRA - Whilst you are peeing our trees are dying.
DPC - What?
KRA - Trees!
DPC - Sort your own trees, We are thinking about how we can get on to the front page of the Daily Mail.
KRA - Were you elected to represent?
DPC - Cock off!
KRA - This is pointless!
DPC - Fancy at chat about the war?
KRA - No. We're taking this into our own hands. Leave us alone and go and shaft those poor people that live in Davenham.
DPC - OK, sod off you lot. Ding Ding, round one. Davenham is having it.
KRA - You are a bunch of idiots!
DPC - We don't care, we've got your money. You lot can cock off! We think, therefore we are!
Scary or what? - we are turning off our scanner now!
Oh, and never voting ever again!
Posted by Foxy at 17:14
The DPPF are a benevolent organisation and like to help out when we can. We found some tin sheet and some spare paint in the Official DPPF Shed this evening. We were going to use it to build a feature bar at the DPPF Headquarters. We were planning beer pumps, optics, a dart board, a card of KP dry roasted nuts, six different flavours of crisps (Walkers), a space invader machine, a one armed bandit, a framed picture of Foxy posing as a Matador that we brought back from Torremolinos last year and stools. However, we have decided that we need to expend these valuable resources on a new armoured wardrobe to house the Official DPPF Mrs's new undercover frocks that she blew this months defence budget on at TK Max. The good news is, we have some surplus so we made this for the KRA to replace the bent sign near the roundabout.
Sorry about the holes, the Official DPPF Teenager found the keys to the scooter. If someone has a wheelbarrow, we could drop it off in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 17:00
A joint foot patrol of forces from the DPPF and the LRDG tonight clashed with the combined forces of the KRA and the DPC. Whilst undertaking a sweep of village boundary along the A556, several members of the opposition forces opened fire on the DPPF/LRDG forces from behind a hedge on the Kingsmead side. Coalition forces were pinned down in an area to the east of Green Avenue and endured a sustained barrage of verbal abuse. Coalition forces retaliated by rallying and performing a robust counter attacking manoeuvre, involving pincers and running whilst shouting. Despite being out of breath and having muddy shoes, the coalition forces managed to force the KRA/DPC forces to retreat and would have captured a significant piece of KRA territory had the Official DPPF Mrs not called for a coalition retreat because dinner was on the table.
Posted by Foxy at 16:27
The Official DPPF Mrs called an emergency meeting this evening. Concerned about the environment, we have decided that a Humber Pig may adversely affect our carbon footprint and a tank of any sort may be difficult to reverse park. Parking is of particular concern given that the DPC are now dishing out death sentences for illegal parking. We have therefore decided that we will probably be buying one of these -
Posted by Foxy at 15:18
The Official DPPF Austin Allegro needs a new clutch, the cost of which is proving difficult to justify. This has prompted the DPPF to plan ahead. With the war reaching a crucial stage, it is essential that we 'tool up' for the forthcoming campaign. We have searched the web and having looked on
http://whatthemodernrevolutionarydrives.com we have short listed the following motors-
Posted by Foxy at 17:21
The KRA are planning to invade Davenham and occupy one of our secret training facilities. Find out what they are up to and the DPPF official response by clicking here.
The DPPF have mounted hourly patrols in order to protect vital village facilities. We will also be popping into the pub regularly to gather intelligence. We are planning a robust counter invasion possibly on Wednesday when we will need to stock up on semi skimmed and jaffa cakes. We urge the people of Davenham to remain calm until we have contained the threat and reduced the state of alert to amber (non flashing) or green (flashing). Anyone going to Kingsmead for a kebab are advised to telephone an order through to the Caspian on Castle, free deliveries on orders over a tenner and enough donner meat to keep Vanessa Feltz on the bog for a month.
Posted by Foxy at 16:05
Having been buzzed twice by American drones since we had a few beers on Saturday, we have decided to train the nippers in aircraft recognition. It looks like some people have forgotten the first rule of the DPPF and have been blabbing to the yanks. USA special forces have been in our bin again and have planted extra booze bottles and specialist magazines. We are convinced that they are trying to divide and conquer the DPPF.
The people of Davenham have agreed to help in defending our sovereign territory and have agreed to keep an eye out. We are looking to appoint an official DPPF spotter. First prize to whoever recognises the following overhead hazards, is an official appointment and a medal.
Answers one to five in the comments please.
Nobby, you'd be best doing this on you own.
Posted by Foxy at 17:48
We have been forced to review our proposed defence network of drawbridges and the moat. Interest rates have been spiralling out of control and the DPPF's efforts to obtain a mortgage on them have proved 'frustrating'.
The official DPPF think tank have been up all night with a pencil, some paper and the Star Trek back catalogue. Captain Kirk's and even Chief Science Officer Spock's efforts were often thwarted by the appearance of alien 'force fields'. The Official DPPF's own Science Officer (The Official DPPF Middle Nipper), was a sceptic until this was discovered. The Israeli's have developed something of interest -
We intend to procure enough of these gadgets to form a defensive shroud around the village. If they can stop a missile at twice the speed of sound, they shouldn't have a problem stopping a Kingsmedian chav walking up London Road at 3mph, or a Nova/Saxo doing 80mph. We just need to check if the speed bumps interfere.
Our trade embargo with the Israeli's prevents us from buying directly, so we will be checking stock at Argos online in the morning.
Posted by Foxy at 16:06
Foxy, The Official DPPF cat.
The Official DPPF Mrs (Bingo), The Offical DPPF Nipper (in bed), The Official DPPF Teenager (sulking in bedroom), The Official DPPF Middle Nipper (somewhere in outer space, courtesy of XBox 360).
Item 1 - Refreshments
The official DPPF Mrs has recognised the need for quality refreshments during times of war and has sanctioned 4x500ml of Stella Artois for the meeting. We have requisitioned a bag of Walkers cheese and onion from strategic reserves, along with a strawberry chuppachup.
Item 2 - The Official DPPF Poll
Number of votes - 10, Number in favour of continuing the war - 10. We have employed a top London based firm of statisticians to analyse the poll and they concluded that-
Posted by Foxy at 14:17
The DPPF have (with sadness) learned of the resignation of one of the DPC's great characters. Councillor 'Wolfy' Coker has resigned due to the pressures of modern day political mediocrity and the endless fighting of worthless causes.
Posted by Foxy at 17:32
The UN have written to us expressing concern at the number of Kingsmedian refugees massing on the Kingsmead side of A556, seeking sanctuary within our borders.
Posted by Foxy at 15:54
We have launched a campaign to charm the media and win 'hearts and minds'. We have contacted the local spelling bee - Teh Notrhiwch Grauniad.
'We the nice people of Davenham are fighting a war, in between a bit of light weeding and general DIY. We are looking for recruits to join our ranks, if we don't get any we may start to conscript. Plans are in hand for fortification to the village and we plan to build a world class training centre at a secret location in Davenham. We have a clearly defined road map to full autonomy and plans for an independent kebab shop.
You are either with us or against us.
We are available for interview after 8:30 when the kids are in bed and we have washed up.
PS. The Chronicle have offered a paid exclusive but we think they are rubbish.'
We look forward to them begging to be our mates.
Posted by Foxy at 16:18
The DPPF are feeling sorry about the plight of the KRA (Kingsmead Residents Association). Apparently, the place is like a rubbish tip and is starting to look like a jungle. Many of them are unable to re-pay car loans and are having to trade in fur coats for underware, as they scrape together enough money to trim their borders.
The DPPF are primarily urban warriors. However, we occasionally take off our designer combats, remove our balaclava's, roll up our sleeves and lend a hand. We have decided to donate one of these from our armoury.
It's called a 'Daisy Cutter'. According to the instruction manual, they can clear most types of vegitation. Should help to keep the borders down a bit.
If anyone has a spare plane, we could drop it off in time for the weekend.
Posted by Foxy at 06:30
Posted by Foxy at 15:37
The DAB have reminded us that we need to vote tonight for the VRBC. We will be giving spot prizes for the most emaginative spoiled paper.
We would have liked to have interviewed a few more candidates prior to the election. The DPC declined and our independant candidate can't find any of the internets anywhere. We couldn't be bothered to ask the Green party as they are all vegitarians and are busy knitting rafia jackets for their rescued mongrels.
Posted by Foxy at 07:08
Now that the DPC's plan to turn Laburnum field into a breeding ground for the teenagers of Kingsmead and Leftwich has failed. The DPPF have decided to requisition the field for training purposes. We intend to build a state of the art facility to train young village conscripts in war craft.
Posted by Foxy at 16:40
Posted by Foxy at 05:02
Judge for your self.
The DPPF have interviewed a leading local politician. The full interview will appear in the next day or two. Providing that we achieve our target of undercoating and wall papering the front room. And some more blokes are brought into Big Brother.
Peace and freedom.
Posted by Foxy at 17:25
The DPPF have recently taken to sneaking about at night. While the official DPPF Mrs ponders over Trinny and Susanah or Wife Swap, we are out on secret missions. On one such mission we were able to obtain a bag of shredded correspondence. Over the last two weeks the DPPF have been up all night with a Pritt Stick. We have managed to piece together 12 interesting, as yet unknown facts about your local council.
If anyone needs any shredded paper for their pets to crap on, contact us at the usual address.
Posted by Foxy at 07:08
Posted by Foxy at 16:48
Parking is a popular battleground. Indeed, many of the world's major conflicts have erupted from seemingly minor parking incidents. Genghis Khan for example, lead his screaming Mongol hoards into China because a double parked Yak on Western Xia high street.
Look what nearly kicked of when Nikita Khruschev decided to park some missiles a little to close to JFK's holiday home - he nearly went ballistic.
Davenham Parish Council (the DPC), have declared war on parking. people parking anywhere in the village are being snatched from their cars and beaten by old ladies with whiskey breath. They then take photo's of the parked vehicle and send it to their lords and masters at the DPC. They receive a reward of heating vouchers for their trouble. This has lead to double standards across the town.
In Davenham this is considered to be worth a beating -
Whereas in Northwich, this kind of very poor parking is not -
Come the glorious day my freinds!
Posted by Foxy at 04:05