Wednesday 29 August 2007

Stone The Crows

The DPPF undercover unit have uncovered sinister going's on with one of our neighbours. While we have been conducting operations against our stated enemies, we have neglected the fact the Moulton has become a training ground for paramilitaries. We have always been wary of declaring all out war on the village because -

  • One of our favourite Aunts lives there.
  • There are a couple of people that we know that could probably 'have us' in a proper fight.
  • Bin what's his name might take the hump.
  • They have a real tank.
  • The Official Nipper goes to play group there.
However, following tonight's meeting of the war council, we have decided we cannot tolerate a training ground for inter-village terrorists on our door step. Our undercover agent in Moulton has sent us this picture of one of their summer training camps. They call themselves 'The Crowmen'.

Moulton Militia Yesterday

They dress in black and cover their faces with a mask sporting a razor sharp Tungsten 'beak', which they are trained to kill and butter scones.

To counter the growing threat, we will be sanctioning a change of role for the DPPF Mountain and Urban Fighting Force (MUFF). They will now be known as the Crow Reconnaissance Advanced Party (CRAP). Standing orders and rules of engagement will be will be scribbled onto the back of a fag packet in the morning, after we have checked to see if Wurzel Gummidge is still alive.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Foxy,

We couldn't agree more!!
Moulton has for been a growing problem for many year now. I heard reports yesterday(in the boozer late last night) that long gone are their horse & carts, stem engines, penny farthings etc etc..And a few of the residents are now driving footballers cars?? Porches & BMW's and such like?? Where has new found wealth come from? Lets nip it in the bud now..

Davenham Elite Force

Anonymous said...

Dear Foxy,

I have it on good authority that Moulton is being re-branded as 'Upper Kingsmead'. There is a shop on Regent Street that is doing a part exchange, fur coat for nickers type deal. Time to invade and put them out of their misery.

Anonymous said...

Part of the Moulton influx come from Scootland - many a Jock can be seen on Leo Sayers every weekend walking back & to between the Trav's & Lion (whichever is showing the footy) god knows how they found little Hell.

Anonymous said...

The Moulton Crows were flying today.... absolutely AWESOME....

They circled over Lower Moulton (Kingsmead) earlier in the morning, before swooping low in formation over Middle Moulton (Davenham) and on to perform in front of the thousands assembled in the (Marston's sponsored) Theatre of Dreams....

Do Kingsmead have an annual fair?