We have launched a campaign to charm the media and win 'hearts and minds'. We have contacted the local spelling bee - Teh Notrhiwch Grauniad.
'We the nice people of Davenham are fighting a war, in between a bit of light weeding and general DIY. We are looking for recruits to join our ranks, if we don't get any we may start to conscript. Plans are in hand for fortification to the village and we plan to build a world class training centre at a secret location in Davenham. We have a clearly defined road map to full autonomy and plans for an independent kebab shop.
You are either with us or against us.
http://dppf.blogspot.com
We are available for interview after 8:30 when the kids are in bed and we have washed up.
PS. The Chronicle have offered a paid exclusive but we think they are rubbish.'
We look forward to them begging to be our mates.
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Hearts and Minds
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5 comments:
Did the DPPF plant the black widow spider in the packet of grapes at Tesco Extra in Kingsmead as per the front page of the Northwich Guardian. Great website, we sympathise with the plight of the people of Davenham!
Dear Anonymous,
We employ a number of methods to achieve our primary objective of autonomy. It may, or may not be the case that the arachnid in question was (RIP agent Insey Wincey)a member of the DPPF. Needless to say, had she been, we would be holding a state funeral in the morning. Indeed, if you are in the village at midday on Friday, you may or may not hear a six gun salute coming from DPPF Headquaters.
Thank you for your kind comments. Do come back. Can you cook kebabs?
Foxy
Dear Mr Foxy
With reference to your latest know your enemy bulletin released on Monday June 25th, I feel I might be able to give some advice to the identity of the unsavoury chav type character pictured. I have reasonable evidence from a totally unreliable village gossip that this is in fact one of the 4 to 9 Davenham chavs and not one of the 26,000 Kingsmedian ones. The chav in question has been seen loitering around bargain booze on many occasion s and popular thinking is that he may have a dwelling of some sort near by. He has also been spotted driving a small blue disabled type vehicle which has reference to some kind of company on the side.
I now this may be bad news and somewhat of a pisser with all those chavs in kingsmead, the DPPF picture a local chav, the odds on that is unbelievable. Hope that this info helps the cause.
PS. The ears gave the game away.
Identification Dept @DAB (Davenham Advice Bureau)
Dear DAB,
Once again, thank you for this valuable information. We at the DPPF are mindful of the data protection act and as such could not use a picture of a Kingsmedian Chav. Our pet Davenham Chav did agree to have it's picture posted when we offered it a bottle of Sunny Delight and some vintage sniffing glue from the DPPF shed.
Sorry if we misled anyone.
Foxy
This isn't news. We have known the DPC are crap for ages.
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