We have been receiving threats from a faction claiming to be affiliated to the DPC. Things have become so scary that Foxy is having to taste all the food and drink in the house before it can be considered safe for the Official Nippers and Mrs. This is particularly bad as we enter the festive season and the place is swollen with contraband.
In these threats, the perpetrator claims that he has been paid to 'take us out', we have suggested that a trip to a local panto would be most welcome. We have also received a video detailing our crimes. On closer inspection, we reckon that this person lives on Kingsmead and is actually a member of the KRA. We have taken the liberty of producing a still from the video.
Anyone seeing this man in Davenham should not approach him, he is armed and clearly dangerous. We just hope that he washed his mums tights before filming.
We will be sending our evidence to the internet ombudsman in the morning.
7 comments:
Was disappointed to learn of said threat to life. Most unfortunate, particularly as perceived threat has spawned from Kingsmead in the Land of Rope (ropey...)Also, wanted to keep you abreast of developments across the field. Dog shit situation is at critical - DEFCON 5. Two piles outside my driveway in 2 weeks. Suspect malicious intent. Dog Warden has started a counter-offensive and covert video footage will soon be downloaded to name and shame any perps. Just watch your footing down Church Street......
Yeah...and it's some old blonde chick with a puff ball white dog who's doing it!
Please can you clarify, is it the dog or the blonde chick who is actually doing the sh*tting?
Following a report from one of our trained observers, we can confirm that it is the blonde chick. She was seen at 17:00 this evening laying some cable and then, with her knees by her ears, she dragged her backside the full length of Laburnum field. We think she may have worms.
The forehead gives it away. It's Ant out of Ant and Dec. He's in Australia, back a week on Monday. I suggest you ask him for a fight, he's a fart.
does DEFCON 6 exist??? If so then dog shit level has hit it! Hartford road needs to be named 'Crap Valley'. Are we allowed to kick shit out of owners and dogs? Or can you run them into Kingsmead?? Sorry you didn't get left the required toolage by Santa...I've got a Makka Pakka if you want one....bloody frightening!
We caught up with the Hartford road problem returning home on the official push bike over xmas. A large nutty number got caught in the official back wheel. Centrifugal force released the death chod at the exact moment that we turned into the house, resulting in the kind of splatter that only a Japanese pervert could enjoy.
I'll see your Makka Pakka and raise you a Ninky Nonk.
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