A joint foot patrol of forces from the DPPF and the LRDG tonight clashed with the combined forces of the KRA and the DPC. Whilst undertaking a sweep of village boundary along the A556, several members of the opposition forces opened fire on the DPPF/LRDG forces from behind a hedge on the Kingsmead side. Coalition forces were pinned down in an area to the east of Green Avenue and endured a sustained barrage of verbal abuse. Coalition forces retaliated by rallying and performing a robust counter attacking manoeuvre, involving pincers and running whilst shouting. Despite being out of breath and having muddy shoes, the coalition forces managed to force the KRA/DPC forces to retreat and would have captured a significant piece of KRA territory had the Official DPPF Mrs not called for a coalition retreat because dinner was on the table.
The Battlefield TodayCommander Foxy Freedom, who was likened to Colonel H Jones following the contact said from the secret pub location "We would like to pay tribute to the brave foot soldiers of the DPPF and the LRDG, some of whom will have to microwave their dinner when they get in. Needless to say, the Official DPPF Mrs will be maintaining radio silence until we apologise for missing dinner and bath time for the Official DPPF nipper. In times of conflict, sometime we need to make sacrifices".
8 comments:
Foxy,
I am disappointed that you were unable to take out the KRA during this skirmish. In fact I am surprised that the KRA even turned out, as usually it would take several randomly spaced meetings followed by unilateral decision making by the committee before they even agreed a strategy. And that would be about the litter in the duck pond and not the case in hand.
Mr Duke,
We hope you enjoyed your pizza. I'm sorry to learn about your plans to invade the village and that you don't know the difference between Travellers and Gypsies. I'm also sorry that you have to share your house, do you like the people that you live with?
Mr Foxy
The pizza, as always was over priced probably spat in by the spotty youth behind the counter.
Of course I know the difference between the Tinker and the true Romany, however, ignorant stereotyping is the corner stone of this great country of ours so who am I to rock the boat.
As for the invasion..It really is nothing personal.. its just that given the choice of the kebab shop or the Deli what would you do? Also, you have speed bumps.
Yours with the deepest respect,
Steel.
Tremendously funny blog.. would love to see more co-work between you and the KRUR to ward off the growing threat of Leftwich.
Having watched Zulu....next time, can we mass the main force at Davenham roundabout, drum some empty Stella cans for scarey effect, then circle them in a buffalo stylie with the horns of the buffalo (soldier, dread locked raster..ooopss, thats Bob Marley).
LRDG got in safe, no cassulties...yet...but that depends on the hot tub chemicals
Lt,
The DPPF made very slow progress back to the motherland. One step forward and two back as we checked every hedge for hidden devices. The Official Mrs gave the pavement near the Art College particularly close scrutiny. It may be a while before we cross the border again.
We have top secret plans for Davenham roundabout. Shhhhhh!
Foxy and fellow freedom fighters.
My apologies for not volenteering earlier but i have been otherwise engaged keeping my owners head warm and covered during the summer months.
Am well up for the long battle ahead just waiting for the signal.
May I congratulate you and say you are the messiah we have been waiting for to lead us in our battle against the Kelts, Orcs or KRA as they are also known.
I have initiated germ war fare on the above by taking it as my mission to infect as may Kingsmeadian Shemales with STD. This in turn will be passed on to the male kingsmeadians who believe that their partners are honest and faithful.
Oh how we know different
Power to the DPPF and always at the ready.
I await your instructions
JJNH
Dear Mr Cap,
And what a fine cap you are!
We have a concern that needs attention before we let you in to the inner sanctum.
If we are not mistaken, you only have the one mode of transport. How do you intend to take point on the next patrol if Jimmy is on nights?
Also, we would advise that Jimmy wears you backwards (like Norman Wisdom did) when 'on the job'. Could cause trauma if he were to see you extracting the 'last turkey from the box'.
Otherwise just turn up for training on the field at 07:00 in the morning.
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