Know Your Enemy #3 - The Chav

Chavs?, friend or foe? A quick 10 facts from the DPPF Department of Social Services to help you decide.

1. There are no pockets in a real Chav track suit. Therefore, they keep their money tucked in their underpants. They can be observed checking their change between 20 and 60 times a minute.
   
2. Chavs share a number of physical similarities. Big ears, extra digits and acne are all caused as a result of swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
3. The Chav diet consists exclusively of chewing gum and fags.
   
4. Chavs often confuse tiny mobile phones for ghetto blasters.
5. The 'F' word appears often in Chav dialect. Linguists argue that the word is actually used as a form of punctuation.
6. There are between 4 and 9 Chavs in Davenham, Kingsmead is home to at least 26,000.
7. A riot was recently avoided in Northwich when Argos agreed not to close down the jewellery department.
8. The preferred form of protection during intercourse is a bus shelter.
9. Chavs are essentially a primitive anarchic culture that has yet to recognise or value the need for respect and law and order.
10. Female Chavs are generally orange in colour. Hair scraped back into a tight ponytail is known as a 'Kingsmead facelift'.