We Have a Cunning Plan

We’ve received a letter from Vale Royal Council Regarding our planning application for fortification to the village, in which they raise a number of concerns. One of the detailed sections that we proposed for the drawbridge has been under particular scrutiny.

We had proposed to use locally quarried Sandstone and traditional building techniques for the walls and super structure. All timber used in the manufacture of the drawbridges was to come from local renewable sources (the DPPF will probably be committed to reducing our carbon foot print as well – once we have found out what one is). The overall look of the finished construction was proposed as authentic medieval and it looked like this –

The Council have commented as follows -

• We would prefer that the overall finished construction should have a feel of ‘Mock Tudor’ or even 1930’s ‘Post Modern’ semi. We may even consider a three story pseudo ‘Georgian’ replica. This would be more in keeping with recent local developments.
  
• We do not endorse the use of traditional building materials. Please resubmit you plans showing the drawbridge superstructure being constructed as a timber frame with faux brick cladded panels, the more red the shade, the more we will like it. A nice bit of stippled rendering would also be nice.
  
• We note that you intend to use timber for the drawbridge itself. We recommend the use of that stripy wood used in decking.
  
• Please note, if you intend to add a conservatory to your drawbridge at a later date you will need to re-apply for planning permission.
  
• You cannot have a fence or a hedge, dogs must be kept on a lead.
  

The DPPF are only grateful that they haven’t noticed the moat. We will develop plans for fundraising later tonight while the official DPPF Mrs is watching Big Brother.