Keep Your Freinds Close, Keep your Enemies Closer

OK, so we've declared war. So that we don't get told off by the UN or bombed by the Americans, we need an official statement.

'We, the DPPF (Davenham Popular Peoples Front) hereby declare war with the following.

1. Kingsmead.
2. Davenham Parish Council.
3. Chavs
   
4. The Bulls Head (except on quiz night).
5. Bargain Booze. (except when we need booze)
   
6. Davenham Chippy (except when we are dunk and could eat a scabby rat).

We promise to stick to things like the Geneva Convention. Prisoners will be kept in sanitary conditions and will have quilted toilet paper. We may be a bit sneaky with food and drink as we have a limited war chest and reserve the right to provide rations from the Tesco's 'value' range.

We promise not to use land mines, cluster bombs or nerve agents of any kind, all of which are bang out of order and have no place on the modern battle field. We reserve the right to use Uranium tips once we have looked on Wikipedia and decided if we like them.

We reserve the right to suspend action and call a ceasefire under the following conditions.

1. If we get invited to a BBQ on Kingsmead.
2. We need to use the shops or takeaway.
3. While we are at work.
4. If we are tired and need an afternoon nap
   

Freedom For Davenham'

Americans,

Don't bother looking for us as we will move headquarters daily (maybe even hourly) so that we can't be tracked by satellite or google earth.