They're at it again!
We have just returned from infiltrating a meeting of the DPC (a full transcript of the meeting will follow once we have consulted the DPPF Official Legal Advisor).
The DPC YesterdayWe managed to gain access posing as geriatric nurses, the meeting has been secretly filmed and we will be posting it on the Benny Hill fan club's forum later this evening.
The DPC are planning to build an incinerator in the heart of the village. No doubt inspired by events elsewhere in Northwich, they have proposed a motion to construct a facility on that bit of waste ground next to the hair dressers.
Preliminary plans are to burn the 6.4 tons of dog turds deposited on Butchers Stile and Laburnum Field every day. The capacity will be expanded at a later date to include the 13.4 million tons of waste generated daily by Bargain Booze.
Needless to say, we will be defending the interests of the village by forming a new division of the DPPF. The Trainee Incinerator Thwarter Squadron (T.I.T.S) will begin training in the morning. We will also be issuing a gas mask to each of the Official Nippers and a couple of cans of pine scented Nicky Clarke volumising hair spray to the unfortunate hairdressers.
The Proposed £260 million Incinerator Yesterday
5 comments:
I'm glad you find the building of the incinerator in Lostock funny. People that live in the vicinity are going to be seriously affected, house prices, health and disruption from traffic to name but a few. Maybe you should just stop and think and use your energy in opposing it rather than just being silly.
Dear Anonymous,
Our green credentials are well documented. We have a condensing boiler and double glazing. The Official Nipper is currently fibre glassing the loft as a project from play school. The Official Mrs is knitting us an anti incinerator scarf for the winter months.
We shall also be writing a terse letter to the local incinerator ombudsman asking for a chat about the proposals.
Can I suggest that you may recoup any drop in your house price by adding some nice Alpine style shutters to your downstairs windows.
If I may add my tuppence ha'penny...
Foxy, I'm not sure that Alpine shutters are the way forward. If his house price is dropping, he can ill afford such a luxury. I would suggest buying 4 or 5 bags of play sand from the local ELC, a couple of deck chairs and a palm tree from Blackmere and opening a tropical play area for the public. This way he can take advantage of the free heat being generated from the incinerator, whilst charging for the privilege. There would be no problem with passing trade either, what with the increased traffic. Everyone's a winner.
Mr Duke,
We think that your proposal is an excellent piece or lateral thinking. I've consulted the nippers and they agree that they would spend around 87p to use the facility, a useful contribution eh?.
However, we speak from experience when we mention the shutters. We bought a 3 bed semi in 1987, all we did was add the shutters and sold it ten years later for a £50k profit! How many kids is that at 87p each?
BTW - the shutters cost £9.79 from Handy Jacks.
Foxy
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