DPPF - War Cabinet - Meeting Minutes #3

Those Present

Foxy, The Official Nipper, The Official DPPF Mrs, some interfering woman from down the road.

Apologies

The Official DPPF Teenager (out with spotty mate teenager), The Official DPPF Middle Nipper (finals of the world Top Trump championship).

Item 1 - Refreshments

Due to a severe balance of payments deficit, resulting from a misinterpretation of the words 'Oh do what the hell you like', rations for the meeting are restricted to 'something from the cupboard', and any wines or spirits that may or may not be hidden in the wardrobe are for Christmas and not general consumption.

It was noted that being a friend of the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to comment on the size of anyone else's beer belly. Nor does it entitle anyone to help themselves to the Official Remote Control.

Item 2 - Defence Budget

It was agreed that the new Tom Tom Sat Nav procured for the Official Motor, was acquired under false pretences, following a misinterpretation of a mandate from the Official Mrs. Whilst being a useful aid when calling in an air strike, it was noted that it was of limited use on the school run, or when nipping to Tesco Express. The item will be placed on Ebay in the morning, the proceeds from the sale will be used to buy essential rations and a new AA road atlas.

It was agreed that if it sounded more Barry White and less like an all American cheer leader, we may have been allowed to keep it.

ACTION - Foxy

Item 3 - War Progress

A review of recent military activity was undertaken. It was noted that cross border infiltration by the KRA, DPC and the 1st Battalion The Moulton and Kingsmead Pikeys were being managed and disruption to village life was being effectively minimised.

Whilst there appears to be a lull in activity, it was noted that we need to remain vigilant and will be regularly checking for intelligence at the secret pub location.

The TITS, MUFF and CRAP will continue to train at the TWAT centre and maintain a high state of readiness.

It was again noted that being a mate of the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to comment on the frequency of intelligence gathering exercises.

It was also noted that being married to the Official Mrs does not entitle anyone to be rude to anyone else that may be a guest of the Official Mrs.

ACTION - Foxy

Item 4 - Training

We are considering asking if the British Army officer training establishment at Sandhurst can provide a distance learning course for the Official Nipper. We would like to balance ballet classes with weapon appreciation, camouflage techniques and advanced field craft. We are also considering writing to the Early Learning Centre to voice our disgust at the lack of defence related learning aids.

The DPPF leadership have also sanctioned £40 (subject to recouping misappropriated funds), for a trip with the Official Middle nipper to 'Lazer Quest' for some urban combat training.

It was noted that any recurrence of the incident in 2005 where 14 children were mysteriously found bound and gagged at end of the training would not be tolerated, even if it was nothing to do with Foxy and the Official Middle Nipper.

ACTION - Foxy

AOB

We have received a letter from our bank regarding a loan application for a Challenger tank. The bank manager has suggested that it would not be a sound business proposition to lend us the £4 million we requested. However, they suggested that if we were to raise say £3,999,600 they would be happy to help with the £400 shortfall.

We shall be checking our credit rating in the morning.